The First Classroom of Inequality: How Family, Religion, and Culture Shape Women's Subordination

The inequality and prejudice that women face in society do not emerge out of nowhere. Their roots are deeply embedded in the family system. And that family system is, in many cases, shaped by cultural and religious teachings that reinforce the idea that women exist primarily for the benefit, service, and pleasure of men.

The family is the smallest unit of society, and whatever is normalized within it is carried into the larger society - into our educational institutions, healthcare systems, workplaces, governments, and every other sphere of human interaction.

As young as I was in primary school, I was taught in Social Studies that the nuclear family consists of the father, the mother, and the child(ren) - and  the father is the head of the family.

Think about that for a moment.

A little girl, barely six years old, is already being taught that a man is the authority in the most fundamental social unit. She observes that her father is served first, receives special portions of food, and occupies a position of privilege within the home. The lesson is reinforced: he is the head here.

Then she goes to church and is taught that the woman was created to help the man and that he is her head. In practice, "head" is understood as authority - the boss. She notices that the pastor is a man. The church Board is made up entirely, of men. Again, the lesson is reinforced.

Then she looks at politics and governance. The highest offices are overwhelmingly occupied by men, while women continue to struggle for basic representation and inclusion. She hears campaigns calling for 35% female representation, and even that is treated as ambitious.

The conditioning begins in the family.

People come from families. They carry the assumptions, beliefs, and biases learned there into the wider world. Those assumptions then shape workplaces, governments, healthcare systems, educational institutions, and every other social structure.

Women's oppression did not occur through some mysterious force that cannot be explained. It is sustained through institutions we often celebrate without critically examining - marriage and family among them.

The traditional foundation of marriage has often been built on the expectation that a woman will sacrifice parts of herself: her identity, her labor, her body, her ambitions, her opinions, her plans, and even her future. She is told to submit to a man, and the idea sounds so normal that the question becomes, "To what extent should I submit?" rather than, "Why should I submit at all?"

Why?

Because long before she became conscious of it, she had already been conditioned to believe that the man stands above her.

And when she dares to ask questions, she is often told that this arrangement was ordained by God.

The result is a system that continues to keep women beneath men while presenting that hierarchy as natural, moral, and divinely approved. A system that allows women to be valued primarily for what they can provide - service, labor, emotional support, sex, caregiving, and sacrifice; rather than for who they are as full human beings.

Throughout history, structures have been created and maintained to preserve male authority within the family. Religion, romance, promises of protection and security, social expectations, economic dependence, and sometimes outright force have all been used to persuade women to surrender autonomy and agency. Then, once women have been denied power and independence, the same system points to their dependence as evidence that they "need" male leadership.

And the cycle continues.

How else do we explain the fact that women are still fighting to have their worth recognized, their voices heard, and their opportunities expanded?

Why must women continually advocate for rights and recognition that should already belong to them by virtue of their humanity?

And when a woman openly challenges the prejudices that are taught and reinforced through cultural and religious institutions - prejudices that influence marriage, family, and society at large, she is often labeled difficult, rebellious, bitter, ungodly, or worse.

But I would rather spend my life challenging prejudice and pushing boundaries than quietly accepting a system that seeks to limit my purpose, suppress my passions, diminish my vision, and determine my future.

#IAmNotForUse is a hashtag I began using after realizing how deeply many people have been conditioned to view women through a utilitarian lens. Culture and religion have taught generations of men that women exist primarily to meet their needs, fulfill their desires, and support their ambitions.

I reject that idea.

I am not a mule.

And perhaps what makes it all the more painful is this: women give life to the very people who later participate in systems that oppress them.

We birth these men.

How can the world I helped create seek to diminish me?

Perhaps that is why some women have become so disillusioned that they are choosing not to have children at all. Their argument is simple: if the world built on women's labor, sacrifice, and reproduction continues to oppress women, then they will withdraw their participation from that system altogether. Whether one agrees with that response or not, it reflects the depth of frustration many women feel.

Women are not smiling.

We are many that are no longer willing to accept inequality simply because it has been normalized for generations.