Deconstructing the phrase, "Act like a woman, think like a man"

 

"Act like a woman, think like a man"

What does that even mean? 🤷‍♀️

The first time time I heard that phrase, an alarm went off inside me, even when I didn't have words to express the challenge I had with the statement.

First and foremost, that statement suggests that men have a superior thinking than women, which is false in itself.

Can we actually open the curtains on what "think like a man" is used to mean?

Some would say it means to be logical, but I'd argue that. Given the examples that are used in explaining the logical character of a man's thinking, one would easily note that being cold, unreasonable and unintelligent have been confused with being logical.

Being logical is a thought process you grow by conscious effort, and that implies recognising fallacies, while sticking to the actual premises that directly link to the conclusion. Logic is a whole discourse on its own and can be exercised by any gender when developed.

Again, "think like a man" has been used as an equivalent of "center yourself and your goals; be strategic and only accept to go the road or be with people that serve your purpose and agenda." However, you can actually say that without having to ascribe that thinking or mindset to a particular gender. Anyone can be self-centered and goal-oriented. But, based on our societal systems and structure, it is men who can be self-centered, self oriented, and self serving, and get to be celebrated for that. Not women.

We seem to ignore, whether intentionally or not, the real challenges women face in society, and somehow find ways to blame the outcomes of those challenges on them by pointing to their way of thinking as the reason they don't succeed like men do.

Because women have been conditioned systemically to put many factors into consideration when making decisions, factors that might have nothing to do with them directly; they experience a drawback on the lane and would not record the speed and prominence some men would have recorded with equal drive and effort.

Because women think deeper - consider feelings, consequences, family, values, God, people, society, the environment, the future, and much more, they refrain from steps and opportunities that could set them in the public gaze and get them the gold, because these considerations seem to outweigh the value of being celebrated and tremendously successful.

They can quit their great jobs and top positions, and give up their promotion to stay home with the kids.

They can transfer their businesses to their husbands just so he can "feel like a man."

They can abandon the life they built and move cities to be with and care for a loved one.

They can cancel bookings and tours just to attend to a family need.

And much more.

Women do things that outrightly hurt their career, fame, position, finances, and more, and the question is, "Is this illogical?"

Even when a man is in the picture who is supposed to take care of things in her absence, she'll still need to be there. However, on the flip side, if it was a man, he would rest assured that the woman is taking care of family issues while he goes for his trips, takes the promotion, builds his business and career, and much more.

Let's not pretend the balance is equal on both sides. The balance is out of balance, and that cannot be overemphasized because it gives perspective to this conversation about a woman "thinking like a man" in order to be successful.

I, also, would not forget to note: Asides societal expectations and conditioning, everyone - woman or man, has a rating of what they consider valuable and primary. Asides societal expectations and conditioning, I emphasize.

Some would value
👉community over personal achievements;
👉carrying everyone along over achieving their goals;
👉being around what's familiar over moving into uncharted territories.

There are women who would still not move cities for anyone or anything, inspite of societal expectations and pressure.

There are men whose strategy ends in staying back in their hometown and being the undisputed champion of the vicinity.

That's their strategy and their thinking.

The only challenge is that women have an already made societal conditioning and expectation to put many factors into consideration than she would ever want to consider, and those, in themselves, become bottlenecks to her advancement. She's conditioned to settle and not to have big dreams as that could unsettle a man. It's not about a defect in her thinking, it is the environment and the societal factors that have become the clog in the wheel of her progress, and significantly influence her perception in life.

That is what the focus should be on: The bottlenecks that hinder women's progress in life, such as hindrances in culture, religion, and society; the issues of subjugation, suppression, oppression, negative orientation, gender induced poverty, and more.

Women have to struggle through many restraints, restrictions, and challenges, and are still compared to men who are not confronted with similar issues. For a woman to record a success similar to that of a man, it has to be a "breakthrough" - she has to break through societal norms and conditioning, societal expectations, gender induced poverty, oppression, subjugation, and more. She has more devils to fight to get to where she really wants to. And people will definitely not be fair to her in the process, because "she's a woman", and "should be focused on taking care of a man; birthing and raising kids."

Statements like "think like a man", ignore the true nature of the society a woman lives in. A society where a woman who is self-willed and independent minded, is tagged "obstinate, stubborn, and unruly." A society where a woman who is confident and outspoken is termed "rude, proud, and not a team player."

Women have always received the short end of the stick. Therefore, focus on fixing the real issue, than telling women that their problem is that they need to "think like men." And when they do prioritize themselves and pursue their goals, they are told to tone down and serve a man.

The double standards of society towards women account for why many women are in the shadows, even when they worked hard for what a man is getting accolades for.

📌This isn't a pity party write-up for women. Far from that.

I would like women to clearly see the barriers they are up against, and as much as possible cut down on the considerations they put into perspective when making decisions regarding their goals and pursuits.

Actually, when you center yourself and your goals you'll get to invest more creative energy, time, and resources into your goals and yourself, which can lead to your tremendous success. That is why you should intentionally cut down on considerations that remove the focus from you and your goals, such as: serving a man in the name of marriage, what people will think, societal, cultural and religious considerations, societal/cultural/religious conditioning that has already eaten deep into you, and the like.

Once those blockades are out of your way, you'll have the creative time, creative energy, and resources to inject into your goals and yourself. You'll be marveled at what you would achieve!

📌Center yourself.
Society doesn't center you.
Culture doesn't center you.
Religion doesn't center you.
The man you're in a romantic relationship with doesn't center you.

You have to place primary focus on yourself and your goals, and decenter whatever consideration that would slow you down.

In all sincerity, women need to actually be self-centred and self-oriented because we have a lot of roadblocks in life to navigate through than men would ever dream of having. And women have been and are still being marginalised for generations. Why should you not prioritize yourself and your goals? You're already behind by virtue of societal systems and structure. Go do your research. That's why you shouldn't think twice about being obsessed with your goals and pursuits.