Chiderah writes

We perpetuate trauma and the cycle of abuse when we encourage the continued existence of abusive marriages. Enduring an abusive marriage is not a show of grit. There's a difference between grit and self deprecation. If you have kids, and you are told that staying in a marriage where you are abused whether verbally, physically, emotionally, and more, is for your kids' benefit, that's a huge fraud. Research has shown that children that grow up in abusive homes tend to have lifelong trauma. If they are male, they tend to become abusers themselves; if they are female, they tend to become receptive of abuse from their male partners. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Go read about how being raised in an abusive home can affect children's neurological and cognitive development; its mental health outcomes, physical health complications, and social and behavioural challenges. You will end up destroying the lives of the children you thought you were protecting, and perpetuatin...

I'm convinced that envy stems from a lack of knowledge. Knowledge about you, knowledge about life...just lack of adequate knowledge. The more you grow in knowledge, the less you have to be envious of. What you'll then have, will be an admiration of things and traits; not an envy of the people who possess them. "This bag looks great." "I like how charismatic he is." "She is a really good business woman. I need to learn these business skills." Finish. When you come to terms with your person and who you are, you'll learn to appreciate who others are, celebrate them for their prowess, and leave it at that.  I get to admire some aspects of some people's lives and character, but I, surely, wouldn't want to be them.  It's not cliché talk...like, yo, for real, I can't be you.  I mean, by virtue of the kind of person I am, I might be exhausted by your profession or lifestyle. I may not be that passionate about what you do as you are, so ...

The inequality and prejudice that women face in society do not emerge out of nowhere. Their roots are deeply embedded in the family system. And that family system is, in many cases, shaped by cultural and religious teachings that reinforce the idea that women exist primarily for the benefit, service, and pleasure of men. The family is the smallest unit of society, and whatever is normalized within it is carried into the larger society - into our educational institutions, healthcare systems, workplaces, governments, and every other sphere of human interaction. As young as I was in primary school, I was taught in Social Studies that the nuclear family consists of the father, the mother, and the child(ren) - and  the father is the head of the family. Think about that for a moment. A little girl, barely six years old, is already being taught that a man is the authority in the most fundamental social unit. She observes that her father is served first, receives special portions of food, ...

  Photo credit: CBO creative planet . Have you heard of the term "The motherhood penalty"? It is the systemic disadvantage and loss of earnings women face in the workplace after having children, largely driven by lost career momentum, wage gaps, and caregiving biases. The severity varies globally based on cultural and economic factors. However, its impact is consistently felt across multiple areas of a woman's career. Research shows that in the U.S., full-time working mothers earn about 35% less than full-time working fathers. How will it then look like in Africa? Motherhood penalty does not only include wage gap, hiring and promotion bias, but also the "care penalty", where the burden of unpaid domestic labor and childcare disproportionately falls on women. The cost of child care is high and also is the cost of hiring domestic labour, hence, many women are forced to leave the workforce entirely or take reduced-hour/more flexible roles that pay less. If the...

  I was viewing a presidential contest program for young people, predominantly teenagers, who were given a topic to discuss: "What I will achieve if I become president for one day". The children were eloquent and made laudable submissions. However, each of the judges kept pointing to how unrealistic it would be to achieve those many goals they had listed within one day of being president. The other participants who were yet to present were seated in the audience when that was being pointed out, severally. But it didn't stop the subsequent contestants from presenting numerous goals to be achieved in a day of their becoming president. ❓The question then becomes: Why were the children unable to effect the needed changes to their submissions even after listening to the repeated corrections the judges made to the submissions of the previous candidates? 👉 If you are acquainted with the education methodology in many African countries, your answer would be, "Because the...

  One would think that with the vast amount of resources Africa exports, it would command a significant share of global trade. However, the contrary is the case. Africa accounts for only about 2% - 3% of global trade. Despite producing so much, the continent remains in the lower cadre economically and, by extension, politically. A major reason for this paradox is the over-reliance on foreign expertise, foreign brands, and foreign finished goods, as well as the continuous export of natural resources in their unprocessed state. Africa produces raw wealth but exports it without capturing its full value. Africa depends heavily on foreign goods and services. The continent imports extensively from Europe, America, and many Asian countries. Over time, a strong taste for foreign goods has developed, driving high levels of imports. Consequently, imports exceed exports, leaving little to no retained profit because foreign exchange earnings are recycled back into importation. It is deeply unf...

  Africa is like a woman. Hold that thought for a moment. Let me show you how I arrived there. Today, as I walked past a nursery school, something struck me. Those nurseries are paid to do a fragment - not even half - of what mothers do every single day. They care for the child for a few hours, five days a week. They supervise, teach a little, nurture a little, manage physical needs for a limited time. And they are paid. Recognized. Respected. It is considered a profession. A career. With job titles, promotions, pensions, global standards. But every afternoon, the mother comes to reclaim her child, and with that, she resumes the full weight of responsibility. The feeding. The clothing. The healthcare. The emotional stability. The discipline. The planning. The cleaning. The nurturing. The sleepless nights. And beyond that - she is also a wife, a confidant, a counselor, a financial manager, a cook, a housekeeper, an emotional support system, often a professional in ...

  💔 I need to kill a myth. Your children don’t love you because you suffered. Love and pity are not the same thing. They love you because you are their mother - because you were there for them. You played with them, listened to them, believed in them, and nurtured them. They love you because your presence was warm, not because your pain was visible. 👉🏿 Somewhere along the way, we were sold a lie - that a woman’s suffering is the "seed" for her children’s appreciation. That to be loved, a mother must labor endlessly, stretch herself thin, and lose herself in the process. But listen: if you have to nearly die before your children can appreciate you, something is deeply wrong. Children don’t crave your exhaustion; they crave your presence. 😀 They want laughter, not sighs. 😔 They want correction from love, not frustration. 😻 They want to sit and gist with you - not watch you bulldoze around the house, cleaning and cooking without end. I remember when I was a child - Saturda...

  Dear Gentleman, Welcome to the download section of What I Want Everyday - A 30-day Practical, Interactive Journal for the Men who want to Love their Woman. You've taken an important and life-changing step for yourself and your marriage. Click on the link to purchase 👇🏿    https://selar.com/o0o111n214 Refer this journal to the men in your space and actively use it everyday. All you need to know about how the journal works is found inside it. Cheers 🥂 

  We often hold back on starting something, whether it’s a new idea, a movement, or a bold career move, because we are waiting for someone else to go first. 📍 We think, “When they start, I will join in. When they lead, I will follow. When the way is clear, I will step forward.” But here’s the twist - they are waiting for you to go first. They are watching, hesitating, and hoping someone will be brave enough to take the first step. The truth? Every trailblazer started with uncertainty. No one had all the answers before they began. They just had enough courage to start. So maybe you are not just "one of many"; maybe you are "the one". 💦 The one who will make it easier for others to follow. 💦The one who will turn "what if" into "we did it". Stop waiting for permission. Stop waiting for a perfect moment. Go first. Lead the way. Blaze the trail. Because your courage could be the signal someone else has been praying for.

  Ever achieved something big… yet felt like you didn’t deserve it? 🤔 Like any moment, someone will “find out” you’re not as capable as they think? That’s Imposter Syndrome, and it’s stealing the confidence of even the most qualified people. In this new episode: “Imposter Syndrome - The Confidence Killer”, I share how to spot it, stop it, and step boldly into spaces you’ve already earned the right to be in. 🎧 Listen now on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2WLXONky31GwjVD3rHF6hX

🎉CONFIDENCE UNLEASHED IS NOW OUT!!! The long-awaited has arrived and you would be excited at what it offers. 📖 Excerpt from the E-book  "The first and most liberating truth on the journey to self-confidence is this: you are a human being - and so is everyone else. We often place people on pedestals: the CEO in the boardroom, the eloquent speaker on stage, the confident colleague who always seems to know what to say. And while it is okay to admire others, the danger comes when we begin to see ourselves as less than. Less important. Less qualified. Less deserving of space, of attention, of respect. But here’s the truth: no one is born with more right to speak, lead, or shine than you. We are all flesh, blood, spirit, soul and stories..." 📚 Confidence Unleashed is here! Get ready to discover/take back your voice and stand your ground without apology. Click on this link to buy your own copy of Confidence Unleashed:  https://selar.com/331488ls15

  Countless times, I’ve found myself in rooms and situations where everything - the tone, the faces, the silence - was trying to quench my voice and push me to the background. I was outnumbered. I was alone. But I stood my ground anyway. I spoke up, even when my voice trembled. Because I knew who I was… and what I refused to become: invisible. That decision - to speak up, to hold space for myself - has made all the difference in my life. And it’s the reason I wrote this book: 💥 Confidence Unleashed: How to Speak Up and Stand Your Ground Anytime, Anywhere 💥 This book is for anyone who’s ever: ✔️ Been talked over, brushed off, or dismissed ✔️ Felt pressured to stay quiet just to “keep the peace” ✔️ Been underestimated because of their silence ✔️ Lost themselves trying to avoid conflict You don’t need to be loud to be bold 💪🏻 You don’t have to fight to be firm 🏋🏻‍♀️ But you do need courage, and the tools to express it. 📚 Confidence Unleashed is coming soon. Get re...

  It’s often said that if you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go with others. And it’s true. The value of surrounding yourself with like-minded, success-driven people cannot be overstated. 📍But here’s something just as important: You must understand the rules of engagement when walking with a group, so you don’t fall into the subtle traps that can come with it, even in the most successful circles. Here are three dangers to beware of, and how to avoid them: 🔹Losing Your Identity You are unique - not perfect, but valuable. That uniqueness is your contribution to the world. But in trying to fit into a group, you might unknowingly trade your personal identity for the group’s identity. 🔻Remedy: Be intentional about making your individual self known. Let people see YOU - what you stand for, what you bring to the table - beyond the group or clique. 🔹2. Comparison that Leads to Either Pressure or Comfort Being in a group can blur your sense of progress...

The thought that you are not irreplaceable should not make your heart sink or scare you. If it does, it could mean that your self-esteem is not as healthy as it should be.  I would like you to note the following: 🌹You are special but not irreplaceable. 🌹You are a genius but life will always move on in your absence. 🌹You are the sweetest person in the world, but people will always have others walk into their lives when you are gone. 🌹You can be missed but not lived without. 🌹Your exact person and uniqueness cannot be replaced. However, there would always be someone that people would adapt to when you are gone, even if that person is a terrible option. It's a truth that most people are yet to tell themselves, that they are not irreplaceable. However, that is the truth that would set them free. It would marvel you how people can cope really well without you. But that shouldn't surprise you if you have understood and accepted the fact that no one is irreplaceable. You, as well...

  “...Don’t throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you." Matthew 7:6 You have to be discerning.  Not everyone has the ability to discern your value and reward your true worth. Therefore, don't bother giving yourself or value to a person or people who are undeserving. Entrust people with the extent of you which they can appreciate, based on their level of understanding.  The costliest painting in the world is Mona Lisa by Leonardo Da Vinci, valued at $870 million, according to BelArt Gallery. That's a lot of money for one painting, right? However, it is valued that much because people, who were discerning of its worth, placed a corresponding value to it. Think about this question deeply: • Could it be that you have been viewing your worth through the lens of people who are undiscerning of your true worth? It is time to pick those pearls you threw before the "pigs" (the people who can't understand your true worth), and mov...

  Perspective is a matter of knowledge, growth and advancement. 🩸Two people see a piece of clothing material. One person sees it as a finished product to be wrapped around the body, the other sees it as a raw material that will be designed into a fabulous attire. 🩸Two people see a palm fruit. One person throws it into his mouth, eats it and walks away. While the other plants it and gains a whole palm tree, with the plan to process the palm fruits into soap, body cream, drugs and more. Your perspective determines your drive, your expectations and your commitment. People cannot grow beyond their perception of what success is about. They can settle for less still believing that they got the best out of life. What you may consider as your starting point may be someone else's peak. It's all about perspective. And your perspective is formed by what you know. You should be mindful of the people that rub off on you. 🌻Choose to interact with people who see bigger pictures of w...

The fact is this, there's nothing you may say now that has not been said before, one way or the other. However, 🌻Nobody can say it the way you would. 🌻Nobody can give it that profound meaning the way you would. 🌻Nobody can reach your audience the way you would. 🌻The impact your words will make to your audience would be deep and transforming. That's a lot of difference! You are the difference! So, speak it! do it! write it!  Because it comes from you, whether said/done a million times, it's different and unique! Vous êtes très speciale🌻 Welcome to the beautiful month of June🤩

  There's an Igbo adage that says, "Ahú ihe ka ubi, èréé óba" (If one sees something greater than the farm, one sells the barn).  It means that if you see (foresight) what is bigger and better than what you have, you'll sell what you have to get that thing. I like to use Igbo adages. They have deep and instructive🙇 meanings. There's a level of growth and understanding you'll attain which will make you consider your present earning or level in your career as unfit to remain in. In that situation, you'll "sell that barn" in order to step into that desired place. Foresight🧐 is the ability to judge correctly what the future will be and prepare for that future. If you quit your job to further your studies or take a training, it may seem you just lost the money you will make while working that job. But the level that additional training, schooling or certification will place you afterwards, will exponentially increase your relevance, demand as well a...

💪Resilience is the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties. It is that characteristic exhibited by some trees, in that when a heavy wind blows against that tree, the tree bends backwards almost to breaking point, but you see it spring back up afterwards. The world comprises of challenges and how you take challenges define the outcome of your life. Being tough is a matter of your inner being and not your outward appearance.  In Igbo language, there's a proverb that says,"Mberede nyírí dike; mberede ka eji amara dike." When translated into English language, it means, "Sudden adversity weighs on the strong; in sudden adversity the strong is known."  Fire is not interesting at all, but it reveals the beauty of gold! Having it bread and butter does not give you the accurate picture of life and it does not give you any inspiring story to tell. Such stories are capable of strengthening the weak and giving hope to the hopeless. The challenge you f...